"Since you've been gone" by Kelly Clarkson

“Since you’ve been gone I can breath for the first time.” These are words from a song that I have heard over and over again while driving up and down the Northeastern coast of the good ole U.S. of A. The song brings to mind different experiences that families have come across in this time of worldwide military deployments. I have seen it previously in Korea and Bosnia, and now it is occurring with the deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq. Here is the sad sequence of events that this song brings to mind. Please keep in mind that these are events that are happening today.

A couple, be they married, engaged, or dating learn that one of them is being sent overseas. There is a commitment here. One that is undeniable and presented to the world at large. The couple parts ways as the military member goes off to serve his/her country on foreign lands. Then the couple naturally grows apart. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Here, however, it brings forth the knowledge that the partner that has been left behind or the partner that has deployed is happy for the first time in a long time.

Understand that there are three states that any couple can be in: Happy, Unhappy, or Comfortable. I am overly simplifying the concepts, but they are not truly hard to comprehend. The first two are easy. The third however is a place that a lot of couples enter and do not find their way out. What is wrong with comfort you might ask, it is not happiness. After a person finds himself in a place that isn’t “too painful” reaching out for the unknown, in this case true happiness, is just to frightful to attempt. No, this person isn’t the person of my dreams. It’s an okay life though. At least that is what they say to the reflection in the mirror. Comfort though will lead to complacency, complacency will lead to struggle, and struggle will lead to pain. The disagreements and arguments will abound, but they will just be background music as misery is heaped upon a life.

Then the deployment comes along. Tears flow as the couple part. Their safe secure world is shattered by uncertainty. Then it happens. One day the drapes are pulled back and the world is revealed. One day the realization occurs that life is actually better with him/her gone. Next comes the thought of breaking up and getting a divorce. Come on, do you really want to stay in this marriage? Enjoy that freedom. Breathe the sweet air of freedom and rejoice, because you can get out of this suffocating relationship. Get that Divorce. J

My, aren’t we in for a rude awakening.L Marriage is a life commitment. True, all marriages do not last. There are times when the person that you agreed to spend the rest of your life with is not the person that you are currently looking at across the dining room table. Marriage is normally a combination of the good and the bad mix together to bring forth something new. I once read somewhere that courage was not the absence of fear, but having fear and overcoming it. In the same regard, a good marriage is not having an absence of bad or unhappy times, but having those bad and unhappy times, yet working through them. Work. A hard word, but it is an Honest one.

It is not the discovery of being unhappy. It is the discovery of the stagnation of comfort. People feel trapped by the path that their life has followed. Seeking to change their situation many people go for the obvious. They seek to rid themselves of the old ball and chain. Society truly frowns on divesting oneself of your children. So the answer is to go for the one easy quick, divorce. It is much easier to divorce your spouse than to make changes in yourself. The divorce will not make you happy though. Changing your life will. Change your perspective. Change your habits. Reach for that something new. Take chances. But, you may want to take your family along with you.

While these changes are going on though, don’t be selfish. Remember, there are more people in this world than just you. Your wife, your husband, has joined you for the adventure that is life. They too may be stuck in the same “comfortable” position as you. Look to the future hand in hand and who knows you may be able to grow together. You know, just like you dreamed all that time ago. Do not simply exist together, the goal is to Live together. It is called maturity. Are you ready for it?

Journey to myself

Every journey starts with one "foot in front of the other." Currently, I am on a trip back to the east coast to reconnect with my past. I have not seen some places for four years. For other places it has been closer to 20 years since I have been anywhere close to them. It really doesn't matter whether your memories were good or bad, because the person you are is created from your interaction with the world around you. The good experiences and the bad ones combine to make you you. This past week is not only a rediscovery of my past, but a reconnection within myself.  

There is a time when you look at your family and just KNOW that you love them. A joy of reading, learning, knowledge for the sake of knowledge, sharing, and family has been bassed on. Somethings you just cannot buy. Somethings just are. 

Saying it with Love...

Today was/is Valentine's Day. Many people take this time to express their love for that special person in their lives. This has to stop. If you love someone, say it everyday. Everyday should be a day of expression. Don't let the commercial excess of the consumer economy run your lovelife. Let your heart speak for itself. Let your Love feel that he/she is special from everything you do from saying goodmorning to saying goodnight.

"I'm a vicious kitty! Boy is this comfortable. I'm glad no one can see me. What was that sound?" 

Almost every evening there is a wonderful image of the sun setting over our mountains. Every morning there is almost always a equally stunning sunrise over the mountains on the other side of the house. One of these days I won't be doing something silly at sunrise, like running or pushups, and I will be able to share one of those sunrises with you. 

The results are gone, and the plate is in the dishwasher. Honestly though, it tasted great. 

Earlier today I was put on a temporary soft food diet by my dentist. "You could each scrambled eggs," he said. So, with a limited diet I got slightly inventive. No, it isn't something that has never been done before, but why let limitations limit you. Can you say sauteed mushrooms, green peppers, and garlic? I knew you could. Add in the suggested scrambled eggs, plus a bit of Lomi salmon (this is Hawaii you know), and you get a soft meal fit for you! 

New camera and new dimensions of exploration. This is from the Ala Moana beach park on Oahu. 

All are well

Well after every single one of us fell low to the creeping crud, we are back. Not a happy experience was to be had. Here I would just like to acknowledge that my wife was OUTSTANDING. Sick as she was (for a horrid 24 hours), she still managed to take care of me and our son. Okay, I did take care of her for a little while there, but, Honestly she was a champ.

Being Sick

Well, to be Honest with you I don’t have much to write today. It is day number two for being sick. Having a cold, flu, or whatever it is, is not fun at all. Even worse, having a cold when your child has a cold is really not fun. The very worst part I feel about being sick, while your child is sick, is having your spouse fret over both of you, while not being able to help. Yes, the fretting is nice. Unfortunately, this puts too much responsibility on my wife.